i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You ruined the universe
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
