frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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