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No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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