with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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