I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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