My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
