Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
