Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
