Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
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