I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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