Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
