His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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