i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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