I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
