I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
