dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Randomize
