I didn't shave. On purpose
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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