I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
