I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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