she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
