I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
