He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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