I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
