Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
