Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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