Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
