Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
