Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
