Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
