dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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