I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You took a bar mat shot.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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