She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
