yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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