If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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