I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
