I faked an abortion last night.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
