nut hugger
She's JV to your varsity
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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