I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
