Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
