I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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