yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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