let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Randomize
