my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
