lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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