my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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