Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
