I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
