Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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