so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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