The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
