My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
