Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
someone owes me an orgasm
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
