Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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