Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
