Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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